TEXT BY NINA CHANNING ('16), CONTRIBUTING WRITER
Forget what they told you. Forget what literally everyone has told you. It’s not about pheromones or friends in common or the time he invited you to the country house. Those were just jokes. We were just kidding around.
You were the most familiar new thing. Like that feeling you get when you walk through your kindergarten classroom.
Not exactly that feeling but something like that feeling. Your hands, heat-seeking and half-serious, wrapped around my wrists, around your phone, around each other. [But I’m not actually writing about your hands, don't worry.]
Last week I told my friend that I couldn’t picture what color your eyes were. She said that that’s normal so I don’t worry about it anymore. They’re probably hazel anyway. I looked up your mom on Google but it didn’t really give me the insight I was hoping for. I woke up thinking about you the other night and thought I missed you but then I realized that I just had to pee. I overheard someone talking shit about you and I enjoyed it a lot. Just kidding, but not kidding, but really just kidding.
This year has lasted only two weeks but yesterday was a month long. Since we met I slept alone in my bed for the first time since I was fifteen. I asked a boy to eat a bagel with me and he did. I crashed my car and almost killed my best friend. I had a dream where I had to explain her death to her little brother on x-box live. I paid an estate tax. I did mushrooms at a Billy Joel concert. I bought a ticket to L.A. and then didn’t get on the plane. My family sold the apartment I was born in. I spent $100 on a pair of sneakers. I set my mom up on a blind date. All of that is to say… Do you wanna go get a bagel?
I want to tell you that you remind me of that blue-green color that grows on copper pipes. [I looked up the word for it and it is “verdigris” but that seemed like it was trying too hard.] I want to ask you if I should stop inviting you to things. I want to ask when was the last time you didn’t get something that you wanted. I want to ask if you know the difference between being insecure and being humble. I want to tell you that someday something really bad will happen and you will miss feeling sad for no reason which will be an even cooler reason for being sad. I want to tell you that you left the door open when you came back to bed. I want to tell you that sometimes I don’t know if I’m kidding anymore. I want to tell you that all of this is worth your time, but I guess I really can’t know that so…fuck it. Forget what everyone has told you.