Something big happened. I know, right? Fuck. I have to send out another email. Here’s what we know about the situation. Summary of events saying nothing you didn't already know and stressing the fact that we’re a community. Grandiose statement about society. More about community.
Follow-up grandiose statement about the Wesleyan community. We’re practical idealists. Who knows what that means, but it sounds good, doesn’t it? Sentence using the phrases ‘to the fore’ and ‘understanding and compassion.’ More about the Wesleyan community and its place in society, vague dependent clause.
Confident, direct command about what I’m going to do about the situation. Another direct command about what I’m going to do that cannot actually be fact-checked. I will charge this task to the “Office of Equity and Inclusion” and appeal to “Faculty and Staff” and to the “wider Wesleyan Community.”
“We have work to be done.” I trust Wesleyans will do so. I wrote this on the fly, and I didn’t spell-check to make it seem more genuine. Also, most of you won't read this. Conclude with poetic demand.
[sign-off intentionally left blank because I’m the President, bitch]
Michael S. Roth