Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19
The first two weeks of November are finna be LIT. Make sure to schedule your most important meetings + social activities during this time cause they are guaranteed to be straight [fire emoji]. Last month Mercury was in retrograde which led to a less than chill month, but things are turning around for you dear Aries so get hype!!! Nov 10 will be a particularly dope day for ~luv~ bc our almighty homeboi the Sun is gonna scheme on Saturn, making it the most romantic day of the entire MONTH. But plz plz plz stay A W A Y from luv on Nov 29. On this day the Sun will tell Saturn to fall the fuck back, then is tryna to go meet up with Jupiter on the side, and this union was NOT CUTE. Swipe left to everyone on Nov 29, trust.
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20
bb bull, if you are thinking about signing some sort of contract or confirming your schedule on e-portfolio, consider doing it on Nov 13. Mercury and Jupiter are going steady rn and support other ~long-term~ agreements. Then your social life is going to go from 0 to 💯 real fucking quick. Everyone wants to chill w you, so make sure to select “going” not “interested” on facebook like real talk. If you just moved out of your triple in the butts to that empty single in [insert random program house here], making new friends won’t be as bad as you think. Try to strike a balance btwn work and social life though bc reading week is coming up and it’s gonna be busy. A truly ~blessed~ day for love will be Nov 10 with Jupiter gliding you through this day like tears glide down seniors faces when their 2015 wescams don’t come back to campus on homecoming (i don’t want to talk about it, okay??).
Gemini May 21 - June 20
Yo last month’s Mercury in retrograde did some serious damage on your spirits Gemini but I’m still sorry I’m not sorry. November is as sweet as a dirty chai at espwesso (thnx rachel kaly) so make sure to stay woke. Nov 10 is overall a bomb-ass day. The Sun and Jupiter are in cahoots to make certain of that. No pressure but real talk this could be your best day of the year so don’t fucking waste it. Neptune is flying direct af on Nov 18 after being in retrograde since like June so you’re gonna see major moves in your career sector. In terms of luv, November will be too good to be true. Around the 8th day of the month Venus and Mars are BOTH sliding into Libra’s DMs and will chill there until Dec 5. This little threesome will serve as your official scheme team making sure that you find exactly what you’re looking for. Gemini, for the first time in like ever, the stars are in your favor. The scheme team can plant the seeds for you, but bitch you better give them some WATER cause man they are thirsty af. Spend some time trolling fountain w your water bottle and make it rain, okay? #quenched
Cancer June 21 - July 22
By Nov 12, Mars is moving into your home sector so you bout to become domestic as fuck until Jan 3. Rearrange furniture! Learn how to poach an egg! Slow cook that shit in a fucking crockpot! Throw a party that your 27-year old-self would be proud of and don’t be a classless thot and forget to let those tannins breathe, baby! The only day to NOT do anything domestic is Nov 23 because Venus is gonna be in Libra and that shit is gonna clash with Uranus (lol). Do not throw that pre-game. Do not feel pressured by your classmates who want to get to know you over a rousing game of slap cup. If you aren’t cuffed, this new moon on Nov 11 is finna be one of the most giving new moons of the year, boosting your super-like potential hard. Stay woke because bae could be anywhere: getting a gluten-free dessert even though you KNOW they are really only gluten-sensitive, shitting next to you in an Allbritton bathroom, or you know like in the fishbowl. It’s also possible that your brother from another mother or sister from another mister also wants to play matchmaker, so let them put the ball in their court. Ball is life.
Leo July 23 - Aug 22
Leo, this month you’re going to have to be extra careful to check yourself before you wreck yourself bc this full moon will be pretty challenging. You will be feeling p tired and v overwhelmed, so make sure to ACTUALLY chill next time you netflix + chill, okay?? If you don’t get enough rest you will feel that your homies are hating on you but they really aren’t! I know this is easier said than done so if you need some melatonin hmu. Saturn and Neptune are fucking each other up rn too, which is gon’ make you learn TODAY to stop playing these straight childish games and deal with what is TRU instead of what you PRAY they will be. Your love life is moving towards a more ratchet direction because of some shit going on with your friend or your partner told you something you just weren’t d to hear. Before you let your shit pop off, evaluate the sitch for what it is and then decide where to go from there.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sept 22
While you have HBIC Jupiter and giver of gifts + luck in Virgo for the first time in twelve years, shit is gooood my dear Virgo kings and queens. Jupiter is chillin all the way until Sept 9, 2016 which means that luck will as well. The only time these #blessings will be a lil sus is on Nov 25 when that full moon comes into play. The full moon is coming in hot in Gemini: your reputation sector. Bitches might be talking shit but truly they ain’t sayin’ nothin’. I repeat: a HUNDRED MOTHA FUCKAS CAN’T TELL U NOTHIN’. Do NOT pay any mind to these thots standing in the way. plz do not overreact, but instead fall BACK. These shenanigans will be handled fucking Olivia Pope style by the end of the month. On the plus side there will be sparks in your love life at the beginning of the month cause Venus and Mars are getting it on in Virgo which like never happens. If you are ridin solo rn that could change, so be out and about!! Mars is gonna be all like “yo have you noticed how fucking sexy and charming [insert virgo queen or king here] is?!?!?” and Venus is gonna be all like “damn i KNOW I heard every day is donk day for her!!!” frau miau is a virgo and she approves this message.
Libra Sept 23 - Oct 22
The new moon in October made everything feel like straight doodoo, Libra, but trust that November is going to be much better. There was so much shit popping off: group projects not going well (but tbh do they ever?), one of your homies let you down and overall you were just v v stressed. Well dear Libra, starting on Nov 12 you are moving from backseat driver to fucking calling the shots. YOU will be in ~control~ until January 3 so make this shit count!! Mars has been trolling you since the end of 2013 but they recently decided to stop throwing so much shade and idk why. Mars is to Libra as four loko is to Frau Miau: giving you the ultimate amount of energy and drive to just do YOU out there. Towards the end of Nov, early Dec, Venus and Mars are joining in Virgo--the most EXXXPLICIT part of your chart. This is finna be one big SEXY vibration, so a blind date could work out well for you!! The chemistry would be right, the flirting would be tiiiight BUT then you come to find out they already have a bae and they tell you they are ending things w them soon but STAY FUCKING WOKE CAUSE I AM TELLING YOU THEY AREN’T. Have fun flirting but protect yourself before you catch a bad one.
Scorpio Oct 23 - Nov 21
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCORPIO lololololol time to turn up cause last month was so shitty omfg haha. That new moon in Libra had you like “wuuuuut” but this month you will be feeling fresh as fuck. The freshest new moon of the year is happening on Nov 11 in SCORPIO YO. This is your big day and this new moon is such a boss ass bitch that it will completely shift all the energy around you in your favor! Pluto is coming in hot to help out with contracts + travel and it’s likely your friends are gonna come thru this month to help you out as well. Neptune is the boss in terms of your love life, and this bitch has been in retrograde since June. This is probably the reason why shit has been so bleak for the past few months, but good news is that Neptune is heading direct starting on Nov 18. Go straight Blue’s Clues on this bitch and watch out for clues that might be subtle and seemingly sus but are truly #blessings. Things are headed in the right direction for you Scorpio if you are single or cuffed. BUT PLEASE SCORPIO I know how sometimes you like to play w shit you shouldn’t be playing w 😈BUT THIS TIME SAY NO. Make sure your scheme is not already cuffed bc trust it has no future. Worse, someone is going to find out and put your shit on blast!!! That shit ain’t cute Scorpio. Not one fucking bit.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21
Sagifuckingttarius I know shit was rough for you last month. I’m not saying November is going to be lit as fuck, but it will definitely be better than last. Bitches were surprising you left and RIGHT like damn there was seriously no chill. The first half of Nov is going to be dope w lots of good, good things happening back 2 back. Nov 12 is gon bring mad opportunities to get ahead, like shit you would only DREAM about. Stay woke and concentrate, bb. There are no limits to how much you can score but also no time for mistakes. Although there are good fortunes at the beginning of Nov, the end of the month is some shitt. The full moon of Nov 25 is going to expose some harsh fucking truths + realities, particularly involving a partner. Whatever shit is about to pop off w them you will know about in within four days of the 25th and the news is likely to bring on the sad aesthetic. Saturn is making it hard out here, completely draining you of all the good vibes from the beginning of the month. You are going to see the true colors of someone you once thought to be close and it’s gonna be hard to handle. Take the time you need to make a decision, and don’t rush to straight judgments.
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
One of the dopest days of the month is looking to be Nov 10 when the Sun and Jupiter are joining together to create some seriously friendly and supportive ~waves~. After the not chill new moon you experienced last month, the universe felt kinda sorry so decided to cut you some slack this month. Capricorn I know you’ve been putting in mad work, but let loose and have some fun yo!! One of your homies is going to go out of their way for you and it’s gonna feel great. This is also a good time to join some sort of club and make even MORE friends but hold off on that shit until AFTER Nov 11 when the new moon is gonna come thru for you. If you are hitched, you are gonna get more time and attention from bae, but if you are single man oh man the first few weeks of the month are going to be LIT. Remember how your homies (new and old) are looking out for you?!? There is a big chance they will set you up on a date that will go v v well. This is a dope moon for you, dear Capricorn so use it wisely!!
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18
The full moon on Nov 25 in Gemini is going to be trying you, bringing some hardcore tensions your way. Full moons put emotions on blast and this one is sure to do just that. It will excite your house of love, but Saturn is also planning on trolling this moon so be careful. A homie might say something fucked up or your ass will be straight betrayed. A friend or even a lover might share something with you that you just can’t ignore; Saturn is not playing any fucking games rn. Saturn tends to encourage breakups and separations, so you may experience a falling out or two. Because of the timing of this full moon, Thanksgiving dinner is not looking cute. Even if you aren’t in or from the US, you still gon feel this burn. You and your squad are gonna be tired as fuck which means people will be saying shit they straight up don’t mean. Sip that wine, stuff that face and keep ya mouth shut if you know what’s good for you.
Pisces Feb 19 - March 20
Miracle on Fountain Avenue this month Pisces, do you FEEL me? This month will bring you blessings on blessings on blessings WOOP so get fucking psyched. If you plant the seeds soon after the moon has come thru, ooo weeee man that shit is gonna GROW. The new moon this month will affect you for AT LEAST a year so make it count!! Mercury fell out of retrograde in early October, so Pisces you’ve got clear skies from here all the way to Metro and beyond. Every new moon is different and, like freshmen after the RA on duty breaks up their Bennett 1 long pregame for the 3rd weekend in a row, will vanish v v quickly although the luck remains for much longer. Don’t let anyone stop you, stay fierce and stay woke. This new moon will also bring new ~luv~ interests on your radar so act quickly in order to have long term success just before cuffing season ends. Don’t waste those super likes!