FYI: Everyone speaks louder than they realize. Seriously. 

  1. “The fact that they only let me have one cream cheese is a goddamn crime,”

  2. “I told my professor I was having a quarter-life crisis, and that’s why my essay was late.”

  3. “I accidentally super-liked my TA.”

  4. “I can’t believe there’s cow dewormer in cocaine. Is nothing sacred anymore?”

  5. “My current diet consists of Peppermint Latte’s and NuGo bars.”

  6. “I tried to sext him, but he was so stoned that he kept sending me Whoopie Goldberg gif’s”

  7. “I spent bar night throwing peaches at people.”

  8. “I hate him with every bone in my body. Well 70/30 hate him or desperately in love with him.”

  9. “Pine Palace is like the freshmen frat.”

  10. “Remember those two weeks where no one would clean up the vomit in the Bennett lounge?"

  11. “I appreciate the 1000 nuggets aesthetic.”

  12. “And then you realize it’s the people that matter that go greek.”
    “Sorry, do you go here?”

  13. “He was drunk and kept telling me he invented the hoodie.”

  14. “Kafka and I have similar relationships to our fathers.”

  15. “Thank God it’s still September."

  16. "Wait, how do you know I have poppers?"

  17. "I'm just going to die here, I guess."