WORDS & IMAGES BY ANI ACOPIAN '16, STAFF WRITER/ PHOTOGRAPHER | @holisox  @firstworldproblemsolutions


Ani: Right now you’re building a YouTube presence as an aspiring comedian. Tell me a little about your background.

Haley: I’m white. I think I’m Scottish, but I’m not sure. Sometimes I wonder if I’m adopted because my mom’s prettier than me. I feel like the only way to justify that is to say you’re adopted.

My background in comedy though? Just like always needing attention and getting it through being a jokester. Always making people laugh and knowing that that was what I wanted to do. Even in more strict work environments, I could never quiet that part of myself, so I sort of was like "oh shit I’m not really gonna have a 9-5 here ‘cause I’m just gonna want to be at the water cooler all day." Entertaining has always been more interesting to me than anything else.

Why did you choose to pursue social media?

Because it rules. It basically allows me to function as my own paparazzi.

What inspired your web series First World Problem Solutions?

I think I have a lifestyle guru in me and it’s a really good way to get that out. I definitely have a little bit of Gwyneth in me. I want to boss you around.  I want to tell you how to live your life. I don’t know if I’m even living mine right but I definitely know how to get you to live yours better.

If you could give me a style makeover, what would you do?

Definitely eyebrows. We would do really good eyebrows. And cool ombre highlights. More jewelry for sure. Maybe like, some cool necklaces. Definitely more arm party going on. I like your converse, though. We could do those with like black skinny jeans. I feel like you’re very athletic so I’d probably make you wear something really tight because I’m obsessed with people who can wear crop tops. It’s like "Oh you can? You should. Oh it’s cold out? I don’t care." I’ll get you a parka that shows your midriff. And like heels.

You were a Film Studies major at Wes. Has that influenced the way that you make videos right now?

Definitely in terms of collaboration- I have an amazing team of people who help me. Like Jack Coyne and Annalora von Pentz really pushed me- they’re so modern. I call them my most modern friends. Jeanine is really supportive of us. Jeanine, if you’re reading this, I love you so much. Please tell Martin Scorsese that I’d like to be in his next movie.

How do you stay relevant?

I stay relevant by being irrelevant. I think it’s about doing what you think is funny and not giving many fucks. I do a lot of standup now and that has helped me so much with joke-writing. I never wrote jokes. I was always like "Oh I’m gonna coast to fame on just like being me," but that’s not at all what it is… well maybe if you are a Kardashian, but unfortunately I was not born into that goddamn bloodline! Although I do tell my mom everyday I want her to be my momager. And she’ll do it sometimes and I’ll be like can you stop? And she’s like “what?! you wanted me to be your momager!” And Im like ‘ugh! She’s using my words against me!’

What motivates you to keep posting? 

I would feel empty if I wasn’t posting, and I don’t even have so many fans. Like I wish I had a million fans. But like, even for my three fans, like my mom and my sister and you – those are like, oh god – mom is waiting for my instagram I gotta post it!

What are you like off of social media?

In person I definitely come off as more chill. People always expect me to be so crazy. Sometimes I definitely am, like just this morning, I was sitting in my friends lap and it was really inappropriate, but we were doing it in public. I was watching Homeland and in the new season Carrie freaks out and crawls on this guys lap like a little muffin, so I was trying to recreate that. But it was awkward because I was sitting on a very small girl.

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What would you do to go viral?

I wouldn’t like kiss a grandpa… no I would, I would kiss a grandpa.I would never throw someone under the bus; I’m a nice lady… unless they deserved it, in which case I’m gonna throw you under the bus ‘cause it might go viral. 

Do you ever get hate messages?

No but I got a thumbs down on my Thanksgiving style video. I just wanna know who did it! It’s like sort of funny but also like not funny at all and so mean and hurtful.

You ran the NYC marathon right?

Mhm. That’s something I did to go viral. And it worked!

I heard you found your trainer on Instagram…

Yes. And now I’m making him do a weight loss challenge with me. I’m just trying to find ways to see him more… I’m like, "oh Joe, you should put me on a diet… oh joe lets work out together." He’s amazing and taught me a lot, like about chia seeds, because he works for a chia seed bar company, so now I like to pretend to be sponsored by them whenever I eat the bars.

Where do you see this going? What is your ultimate goal with your YouTube videos and your standup?

I think my first step is that I really want to build an audience and then I'd love to be on TV, like I wanna be on SNL, I would like to write or perform – perform more than write, but like if they don’t think I got the bone structure for it then fine, Ill get behind a laptop. Honestly, I've always been a class clown so I really want to be in a class of clowns. I just want to be in an environment surrounded by funny people where Im constantly challenged to make good jokes and keep getting better and getting sharper.

What keeps you motivated?

Um, just cause I haven’t really achieved anything yet, so sort of waiting to get to there- that would be awesome. (Chuckling) So that’s pretty big, yeah… I’m not exactly sitting on a pile of cash here.

~quick fire round~

Are you on tinderYes. Last drunk hookup? No comment. Honestly, probably with a friend. I don’t remember, that’s how pathetic it is; it was probably like 2 years ago. What’s the last text that you sent on your phone say? My friends get mad because I don’t really text, I just send pictures.  What’s a holisock? When you change the letter "a" in my names to "o" it becomes holey socks and then that became holisox. When is it acceptable to add someone on LinkedIn? Literally, did you say that because I just added you? Biggest regret? Not pledging Eclectic. Le1f told me that I should have joined Eclectic and I never took his advice. And Le1f if you're reading this, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been in Eclectic.